I miss the old ME

Yes I miss the old me! Sometimes in life you go so high and far that you fail to realize that you have left something long ago which by then was impossible to leave; Sometimes you miss those old moments and feelings.How time travels, takes us along with it and leaves us at a station which we never wanted to be in.All of a sudden one day you look into the mirror and realize that something substantial has left behind and now it is hard to catch. Now we have covered ourselves up with some sort of dual identity. But one day I was thinking that I am not the same person as before , I got irritated with the fact that why I have changed.I couldn’t help it, then I gone down again on the memory lane and started missing something badly.

I miss ‘The Dancer’

It is not just that I don’t dance anymore or I don’t love it.I am the same crazy girl just like before.I used to dance at every possible songs and used to learn every step by watching videos numerous times. It is just that passion and happiness is lost now.I used to dance like a crazy weirdo, unaware of the crowd and always looking for the chances to dance.I miss all that crazy weird expressions and those crazy moves with it.
Yes ,I miss the dancer within me!

I miss ‘The Actor’ 

I miss the drama ;I miss in front of the mirror whole day, learning the dialogues continuously and crying like a bahu from India soap opera(Just to imitate those bahus) .I miss the shows which I made up in my mind ;I used to think that I am better then any other bollywood actress;I used to watch movies twice or thrice just to act better then them;I used to make expressions and used to feel so therapeutic.I miss being in the fantasies
Yes, I miss the old me!

I miss the' Insecurity'

I miss being insecure because it taught me how to be so secure within myself. It is the lectures that I used to give it to myself about how good i am and the process of securing self is what i miss the most .Though i am still insecure but now i don't talk to myself anymore,may be because i am scared of myself.
Yes. I miss the insecure girl!

I miss being in love 

I miss the romantic fantasies. I used to create some romantic stories in my mind (all of it were copied from the Bollywood romances). I used to think that “Wall Scene” is the best way a man can show love to his lady; I used to think that i will also knot his tie before he leaves for his office;I used to think even my dupatta will also one day get stuck in his watch;I used to think one day we would be  alone in a hotel room where power will get off, i would be scared and hug him tightly by hearing the sounds of thunder.
Yes ,I miss the innocent me!

I miss 'My Braces'

The girl with the braces and with a uneven teeth line but sparkling smile in the eyes.The real 'jassi' from 'jassi jaisi koi nahi'. I miss my braces because i was eagerly waiting to see my smile without braces ,where i will be smiling like any other ordinary girl or i would say every other pretty lady.
Yes, I miss the jassi ! 

I miss being 'Competitive'
Though i was not very good academically but i was always a hard working girl .I used to be so competitive that i used to hate my classmates because they used to get more marks.After my school , this attitude of being competitive helped me.But I am no longer competitive ,now i am all content and happy with my life which i don't like.
Yes,I miss the old me !

I miss being 'The Motivator'

Feeding the hungry; Passion for the social work; Doing something lucrative for the underprivileged ; Hugging the people who are suffering from depression;Motivating them and telling good things about life. I used to motivate whenever i got chance. Now a days i still motivate people but not with that energy which i used to have before.
Yes, I miss being the motivator!

I Miss being 'Lonely'

I used to be so alone that i used to take all my decisions by myself .It only happened because i spent lot of time with myself. I used to talk all about my happiness, low moments to myself,.I became my own best friend.I used to see my eyes in the mirror while crying, tears pouring down from it. I remember those moments with myself. It just i fell in love with myself at that moment.
Yes ,I miss the lonely girl!


YES! I miss the old me. I hope after venting out these words ,universe is listening and will give me all my days back which i miss so much. I love my OLD ME and i hope it will come back to me again.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“Existential Realization” – A view opposed to existential Crisis

One day at midnight, I was mindlessly sitting and reading stories about people and how their lives were going on Instagram and Facebook (which apparently shouldn’t be my concern at all). I was scrolling down the posts as if something was wrong with my finger as it was refusing to stop. I was looking at happy faces, big lavish lifestyles, ads (of the things I like) in between, holidays and many other things which were triggering me. And suddenly, I realised that what have we done to our lives? Are we all going insane? All we have is a "show and show off" attitude. With this, we are digging our mental grave so deep that it is now extremely difficult to come out of that mud. We are undoubtedly putting ourselves in a crisis without realising that it is killing our invaluable feeling of "existence". After making life a total mess, we find solutions to clean it up. We manipulate our own emotions and then try to convince our hearts with various techniques, and then try to
Read more

ऐ ज़िन्दगी ,अब मैं तुझे थोड़ा समझने लगी हूँ

एक वक़्त था जब खुद को ढूंढ रही थी, मौका तलाश रही थी खुद को तराशने का, मैं क्या हूँ ,मैं कौन हूँ और क्यूँ हूँ? , बस आज जब खुद को जानने लगी हूँ , अब लगता है खुद को इतना क्यूँ समझने लगी हूँ पहले दुःख मे रोती थी और सुख मे हंसती थी, आज ना दुःख में दुःखी और सुख मे सुखी होती हूँ, क्यूंकि समझ लिया है की इनके दोगले चेहरे है, कभी आते है कभी बिन बोले चले जाते है , अब इनका हाथ तो थाम लिया है पर इनकी तरफ देखने का मन नहीं करता , लगता है ऐ ज़िन्दगी अब तुझे थोड़ा समझने लगी हूँ लोग आएगें दो बाते प्यार की बोलकर चले जायेगें , जानती हूँ मैं , मैं फिर भी उनसे मोहब्बत बेशुमार करुँगी, क्यूंकि ज़िन्दगी बहुत छोटी है ये जान चुकी हूँ , लगता है ऐ ज़िन्दगी अब तुझे थोड़ा समझने लगी हूँ बीती बाते आज भी याद आती है, कितनी भी कोशिश कर लू ज़ेहन से नहीं निकाल पाती, कोई नहीं आएगा इस बक्से को बंद करने, ये खुद की जंग है खुद को ही लड़नी पड़ेगी , इतना जान चुकी हूँ मैं , लगता है ऐ ज़िन्दगी अब तुझे थोड़ा समझने लगी हूँ कोई नहीं याद करेगा तुझे मरने के बाद, शमशान मे जलाने के बाद ,कुछ दिनों में दिल से भी जला देगें,
Read more

Teaching - a Passion or Profession?

When i was pursuing law ,there were various career options that are available with me ,so it was on me to decide which way i have to push myself, where i would be perfectly fit in. Then i consulted and asked some people, all have tutored me differently ,some advised me that i should go for Judiciary, because there are scarcity of Judges and it is one of the most elite profession in the field of law ; Some told me that i should go for litigation because, it is quite challenging and never let your brain go underutilized ; Some told me that you are a Company Secretary ,you should go in corporate because there is so much money you can make out of it .I slipped into dilemma and i couldn’t take the decision, then i locked myself up in the room and thought for an hour that what i want to do with my life?. Then one thought came up into my puzzled mind that, I always wanted to be teacher (as it is in my genes also), because i felt that there are scarcity of efficient teachers also, over th
Read more